If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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