Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
