Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
