your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
