this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
