dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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