You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
