WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
