Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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