Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
