dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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