I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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