At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
