I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
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If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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