then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I can text with my tongue
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
