Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
