Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
