Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
