life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
