can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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