well you can't waste a boner
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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