And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So drunk its hurt
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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