What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize