i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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