He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
