I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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