GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
