my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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