i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
