So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
