This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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