Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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