We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
