I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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