The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so that wasnt chicken after all
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Randomize
