I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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