She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
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