I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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