i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
