just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
