She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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