...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
