i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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