I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
