He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
