We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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