youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
