Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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