Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
