Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Is it because I queefed?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
