I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
