So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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