Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I love black thongs
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
