Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
