Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
