I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
