Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
