I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
