so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have aggressive nipples.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
