He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Sext me about skeletons
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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