Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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