Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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