they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
