i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Vodka?
Forever.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
