Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
