either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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